So much and so little...

So I haven't updated this blog in awhile. I guess Facebook really does take over some of the need to connect feelings :). There has been so much going on in our lives and at the same time, nothing really major. Lathan's birthday was last month and he turned 15, Hannah's birthday was last week and she turned 11. My birthday is Thursday and I will be 35. (Doesn't seem possible to be that old!) Our 16th wedding anniversary is the 4th of Dec, then Abi's 7th b-day on the 13th and Hunter's 14th b-day on the 18th. That is what makes up the crazy last months of the year for us! Everything is changing, the kids are growing up. There is some sadness to that but there is also alot of joy in seeing them grow and understand so much more. Abi has learned a few of the harder leasons this past week. While watching Daddy play dodgeball, she was hanging out with a girl that she talks to ever once in awhile. This little girl is 4. Abi came back to me in tears and asked me to hold her. This little girl told Abi to " get away from me! You're weird!!" several times very loudly. ( note: this girls parents were no where to be found) but it broke Abi's heart and in turn broke mine. I hate that this is the way my child is viewed. Not by the masses( there are too many people who love her) but by the ones she should call her peers. It stings. I know that my older kids have been given the tools to deal with this type of behavior but they never had to deal with it at such a young age and so in-your-face. I wish that there was some way around this lesson in life. There is no easy way to handle problems like these. They do leave scars...on all of us.
Abi has been not acting up to par here lately too. I worry, (as most of you know) about what will be in the next year. Abi has her nephrolgy appointment the first part of Dec and Cardiology the middle of the month. I am so afraid of the news the cardio will give us. I just do not know where I will find the strength if it comes to a proceedure. I know that is where we are heading and it scares me to the core. I do not know how to hold my family together if it does come to another surgery. We all hang on by a thread and can't breathe with the thought of anything happening to her. When she acts the least bit off...we all panic. She is looking weak and sleeping more. There is just something when you look into her eyes that is not right. You can just tell...I just haven't been able to figure it out. We have done a couple of other tests here and there to rule out the easy stuff but have ruled it all out...now what? Maybe it is just her, maybe it is nothing but I can't take the chance that it might be somthing. I have to search and look...just in case.So lots of naps and checking temps and drinking fluids and taking blood pressure in the hopes that it is nothing but there is always that fear that it is something mom can't fix on her own. There is always something. I know that. I accept that, but I will not stand by and do nothing. If there is anything at all that I can do if it is her heart then we will know in a month for sure until then....I rule everything else out. Don't get me wrong, she is playing and laughing and being herself but there is just something in her face that tells me to keep watch.