Every minute counts: Thinking gets me in trouble.....

Every minute counts: Thinking gets me in trouble.....

Thinking gets me in trouble.....

I have been reeling from another loss in our tight nit WS community. It is so hard to see another parent loose their child. I go through all those emotions from Abi's ordeal that I thought I had repressed well enough....apparently not. There is a growing list of families that are my heroes because they have been through the hardest thing in life, burying your child. Another dear friend was pregnant with triplets and one of her babies has already passed away, leaving two...one of whom they are told will not live past birth...my heart breaks daily for what she is about to face. I know what that loss looks like from the outside...I have many friends who have angel children.I also had a glimpse myself of what it felt like,for the briefest of times, to be told that your child will not live... only for some reason, I got Abi back. That just brings out all the feelings of not being worthy and trying to find someway to make myself feel like I have changed and I am worthy enough to still have my child. I will never understand why I still have Abi when so many have lost their babies around me. I know at the time of Abi's troubles there were some very close friends who needed to believe in miracles again...so maybe that is why. She is here so that people still believe that it can happen...miracles do happen everyday....I just don't understand the reasons for all the loses around me. Some days I think it is just a preparation for what will be in our family's life. I know that I will be the one someday who needs the support too. I have been told time and again that I will out live my child.

just muddling through it...

Personally things are not well in my head. I am trying to find new ways to handle it all but I just don't know where to start anymore. With all the stuff surrounding my family and my parents and siblings....I just honestly find myself checking out. I hold everything at arms length anymore and find it hard when I can't do that...I can't cope with it...I am falling apart from trying to hold it all together. There is just so much going on and I find it interesting that I can handle the medical stuff so much better than all the emotional stuff that is being thrown at me from all sides. I'm just tried of trying to be the rock for all of my family members and function at home without exploding due to all the stress.....

Abi's TV debut!!!

I'm still waiting on the news version of it but this is what I got an it is pretty good :)