It's been too long...

It's been too long since I have written on this blog. I can not believe I have not had more to say :). There really has been a whole lot of nothing going on. Just getting through the winter at this point and trying to stay warm. The kids are all doing good and staying healthy thus far so no complaints there. Abi medically is on a plateau again and we are just enjoying it. She does seem to be losing weight again so we are focasing on that AGAIN!
It's been too long since Chris and I have gotten away together without the kids. In fact it was 6 years ago on our 10th wedding anniversary and we left for two nights but came back early the third day because we missed the kids too much. I can say that going to Las Vegas with Chris on his business trip may not have been my place of choice but it was nice all the same. You see I do not drink, do not dance, am just all around boring...maybe because I have been "mom" for so long maybe because I have always been kind of a loner who hates crowds of strangers. Yeah I know Vegas is not really the place to avoid crowds :) It really was okay though. I got to meet Mercedes( another WS mom) and hang out one day,I went to the movie by myself (which I have never in my life done) and yes...I read books and watched the TV shows I wanted to watch while Chris was gone during the day. It was relaxing though. Chris and I went out a couple of nights and walked around a bit. Really nothing at all exciting. Nice and peaceful.
Getting to meet up with Mercedes was so very cool. I know that she and I were both a little nervous about meeting in person for the first time but I don't even know why we were because it was like we have been friends forever. It is always so nice to just be able to be yourself and know that you are accepted. That when you talk about the weird stuff your child does..they have stories that match. I always feel like I have to explain Abi and I didn't have to do that..we could just skip to the "friends who understand" part of it all.so a great big...HUGE...thank you to Mercedes for taking the time to go hang out with me :)

wishing she was here....

This is my favorite picture of my dad's parents. I have been told that I look quite a bit like my grandma( which is fine by me). I am missing her horribly lately and have had many dreams about her. She passed away on 4th of July 9 years ago this year. She was one of the few people who I looked to for advice when I was having a tough time and I miss her wisdom. She had 8 children, two of whom passed away as adults..her oldest at the age of 33 and the youngest at the age of 22. She also outlived two husbands. My grandma was so very strong and she was my hero. The day she died I went and saw her for the last time and she said to me " I am proud of you. You are a wonderful mother. You make me so very proud, don't ever forget that"

I just miss her. I wish she could have met Abi, she would have loved her so very much. I know that she is looking out for me still she always did when she was here. :)

outside my window this week....

Outside my window …The sun is slowly creaping up.It is going to be a cold day again.(sigh)
I am thinking …That I wish my life were a little more like a romance novel and a little less dramatic in theme.
I am thankful for … the fact that my sanity is holding on. I am really having a tough time as I do every year at this time of the year..just letting myself be happy. Abi's 7th birthday was yesterday and I was a grump all day. I am sorry for that. At least i wasn't grumpy toward her just Chris.
I am reading … the same book series...no time left over with Christmas coming there are few minutes to myself.
On my mind …So many things. To start with, marriage. Chris is again going to Vegas in Feb even after he agreed not to go again. Surprize! he told me this weekend that his tickets are bought and everything is ready for him to go. Then when I get upset he says that I am going to ruin the next two months for him...maybe talking it over BEFORE you commit to things might help that out,especially when you promise one thing and then do the opposite. Abi's birthday is always an emotional time. There are so many times that I don't think about her disability but her birthday is not one of those. That day just reminds me how much our lives changed. Not for the worse..just much more complex.Then add her cardio appointment on the same week and I just am emotionally spent before the day starts. I also found out this week that my older brother will now have to have a colostimy bag. My brother is failing quickly. He is falling all the time. He can't cross a room with out stumbling. It is tough to watch. He mentally knows what is happening to him and that makes things much harder too. His hearing is all but gone and he can not speak and be understood, his muscles are failing him quickly and I can't help but think...what if I end up watching the same thing with my daughter...It rocks me to the core.My brother and I have a strained relationship anyway because of our childhood but it hurts to see him failing right before my eyes..I can only imagine the pain my parents are going through.
We’re learning …few things go according to plans.

Noticing that … I need something to pick up my spirits and it better come soon :)
From the kitchen …I should be making cookies and candy for Christmas only I am just not in the mood to do it. Maybe next week....
Around the house …We have beautiful paperchains and pictures of trees but the thing that makes me feel the best...the wonderful faces that I love so dearly on all the Christmas cards that we are getting..you guys are the best!! Every card I get makes me realize that I am not alone..thank you.

One of my favorite things … My children. They keep me going.

outside my window...

Outside my window … It is still dark and VERY very COLD!! ( have I mentioned I hate the cold?)
I am thinking … About the last 16 years. Today is our wedding anniversary so there is lots of remembering( good and bad). Chris and I have been through so much together. we started out so young and have really grown together and for us it has worked out.
I am thankful for … My kids. If it weren't for them some days I don't know how I would do it. They all help me in different ways and make me a better person for all that they teach me through their eyes. It is amazing that all four of them are so much alike but in the same breath so very different!
I am reading …Still trying to finish the "outlander" series...haven't had time to pick it up for more than a few pages at a time and it frustrates me!
I am hoping … for good news from Abi's doctors appointments later this month. Next week is nephrology and the following week is the dreaded cardiology( dreaded because I always fear the worst...but I love her dr)
On my mind …what's not on my mind?!?! Mostly the fact that our anniversary, then Abi's birthday, then Hunter's birthday, and then Christmas are filling up everything I do anymore!
We’re learning …how to breath. Take a deep breath and just try not to think too much about the heavy stuff :)

Noticing that …The times seems to really fly when you age. You know they always tell you times goes faster with age and boy are they right! There never seems to be enough time anymore. You turn around and the year is done.
Pondering these words …"where are you Christmas?" I just don't ever seem to get in the christmas spirit anymore and I really wish I could find something that inspires me again.
From the kitchen …Hannah and Abi are always helping me cook. Hannah has started printing out reciepes from food network so I am in trouble...the girl has some weird ideas of what would taste good together...oh well at least I don't have to cook it...she does all the work!
Around the house …Trying to get in the mood to decorate for the holidays.

One of my favorite things … Just being able to spend time with my kids and husband. We have lots of fun together, when we get the chance to all be in the same place at the same time!